The Debutante's Friend.

The traffic lights alluded him. Staring blankly through the car window, his thoughts were flying as high as the birds soaring outside. Cars sped by the other lane, its drivers unmindful of the beautiful red evening sky. The clear weather of October complimented his feelings of anxiety, excitement, happiness and fear. He was going to see her in a few hours. All dressed and prepped up, the vertical lines on his long-sleeved violet polo made him thinner than usual. His stomach had, not butterflies, but dragonflies inside of it; the feeling of anxiety, flattery and nervousness hurt his insides. He tried imagining the scene, tried imagining her face again but it only made him more nervous and anxious. He sat silently in the backseat, while his bestfriend's dad and his bestfriend sat in the driver's and passenger's seat, respectively.

"You ready?" asked his bestfriend, looking from the rear view, grinning at him.

"Yeah, I guess so. Just nervous." He replied.

It didn't take long for them to get there. It was a grand place; a big country club with a luxurious and glamorous design. The streetlights were gleaming red, it accentuated the now dark night sky. The well-cut grass was bending to the mild wind, as if it was dancing to welcome them as they arrived. The building was spectacular, it was elegant and majestic. Strategically, but nicely placed palm trees swayed as the car drove by. It was truly, a place for the Uppercrust, a social class he clearly didn't belong to. Car stopped. He stepped off and sighed nervously. This was it.

They walk in, absorbing every bit of it. The hall was enormous, shining and bright. He felt like a farmer who was being toured around the city for the first time. Up the steps they go, walking along slowly and there they were; the party, the people, the stage, the lights, the glass frames, the silent chatter of guests. Them. Heart pounding wildly, his breathing is heavy. The debutante beautifully smiled and greeted them. She looked wonderful, pretty and stunning. She wore a beautiful violet balloon dress with a even more beautiful smile to boot. She was petite in frame, slim and her hair cut short. Really a sight to behold. But She wasn't Her.

He began to look around, looking for her face. And in turn, some people began to look at him, as if to say: "what is HE doing here?", "Who IS he?", "Is he even invited?", "What is the waiter doing sitting with the guests?", and so on and so forth. He felt embarrassed, ashamed and out of place. He sat quietly just watching from the sidelines when he saw a familiar face: it was another friend. He approached the guy, greeted him warmly and offered his hand, but the guy looked at him with displeasure and annoyance and refused the gesture, almost denying that he knew him in front of other people. In retaliation, he made it look like a joke, he just laughed it off and ignored it. It really hurt him. It was an insult to injury; he dug himself a bigger and deeper hole by embarrassing himself even more.

He sat there again. Trying to look okay. He watched the program from the table and just tried shut up until the program ended. The unpleasant looks and whispers were still there, but he just ignored it, trying to act as if he didn't hear them. Claps and Laughter were heard, as the speaker punched in a joke about the debutante. She was obviously loved by many, and was the princess of the family. The program ended and the party officially started as alcohol, food and dance music were served. The bright lights disappeared and the ballroom was turned into a big disco with hypnotizing neon lights. He stood at a corner of the room looking at the dancing guests, when he suddenly realized a girl approaching the place where he stood, approaching him.

The neon lights permitted him to see her face. She was beautiful. Her simple brown dress simply knocked him dead, her sexiness exuded right across the room. Her charm was unexplainable. His smile was automatic and honest the moment he set eyes on her. His heart began beating ten times faster than normal, he was going to have a cardiac arrest right there and then. She looked back at him with those beautiful eyes, smiled and spoke. But he could not hear her, the sound of the dance and heart beats filled up his ear. He motioned her that they go outside, out of the place. Alone. They went out of the room, and clarity finally came over him. They walked to an open, terrace-like wall, with the wind blowing nicely outside. The same pine tress and cut grass bended to the will of the wind, dancing under the moonlight.

They talked about Life, Love, and Emotions.
They talked about situations, circumstances and consequences.
They talked about Possibilities and Impossibilities.
They talked about Him and Her.
They talked about Them.

He finally admitted his feelings for her. He spoke in fragments as he tried to put in words what he really feels.

"I... Loved you, since.. I don't really know when exactly. When I met you three years ago, I never tried telling you because I know I won't stand a chance at you. Because I'm just this, I don't have a car, don't have that much to offer, I can only offer you myself and my heart. I... I'm trying to find the right words to tell you how i really feel, but I guess that 'I Love You' are the only words."

She looked at him, Smiling. "I hope our someday will come soon." She said.
A lot more were said that night, pleasant conversations, silly stories, revealed secrets, confessions and laughter. He nervously held her hand and She held his.
The night ended on that note. Cinderella's time has come and he must go.
They parted ways and parted hands. The day they meet again, no one knows.

Based On A True Story.
Have A Happy Christmas.

*REVISED 04/04/10*

The Odds Are Against Me.

On that fateful evening, everything seemed to fall in its right place.
The crowd was warm, the night was cold, and the scene was bright.
Everything seemed right, but i spoke too soon.
Approval is a rare privilege under this roof,
Spoke too soon, i guess. He will give his final decision.
When everything flows, anything goes.
Just one slip, and it's all over for Him.

Take home, take out, This is a code.
The rains might not stop us, nor the traffic lights.
But i guess invitations are limited, and the opportunities are endless.
A stranger enters the scene and emotions ran high to the ceiling.
Left all alone, i was left there like a dog without a bone.
Feeling so stupid and so pathetic, I'm talking to myself and my own.
Light conversations, silly sour sensations.

He sensed something isn't right, and He wanted to end it that night.
But no, i fought for it. "People make mistakes", i shot back.
But Their decision is always final; No refunds, No credits.
The movement stopped, the feet dragging to the ground.
This hope smashed like an airplane crashing from the skies.
Oh the fateful evening turned into disaster,
Families showed up, Violence ensued, and Crashing of Gates.
Kicking and Screaming, and Crying all around,
Guess the day's just winding down.

The Odds are against me, but i won't give up.
People make mistakes, but don't make too much.
I respect Them so much, Influenced me right.
The grade was a failing mark, an F.
Flirtatious. Fascinating and Full of...
But I think everyone deserves a second chance.
I'll prove them wrong, just let me, please.

We ended the night with coffee, conversations and aftermath.
We ended the night with broken cars, speeding lights and beating hearts.
We ended the night with U-Turns, Stoplights and Drop Offs.
I ended the night with High hopes, and happy smiles, not knowing it was all for show.
They ended my dreams, my one and only dream.

Approval is rare in this roof,
Almost. Almost. Almost.
Opportunity wasted, but it's not too late.
Just take the next time and It'll be okay.

I cannot bear tell this.
I cannot bear say it.
It hurts me more when i hear it.
It pains me to think about it.
I know it's not like that at all.
It shouldn't be an F, it should be an A.
When the time comes, you'll blow them away.
I'll be there with you on that very day.

the odds are against me.
bow.

*this is a code.

Burn Out.

*this is my expository paper in Communication Arts 2*

Burn Out.

The use of Depressants can prove fatal to one’s Psychological well-being.

A. Depressants as a stress reliever, the beginning of addiction.

1. Depressants were once used for medical purposes.

Before it became a constant and instant hit in the underground market, Depressants were used for its “medical” purposes. It is used to allay anxiety, induce sleep and relieve stress. Also called sedatives,
downers, anti-anxiety, tranquilizers, hypnotics, and anxiolytics, Depressants are usually prescribed, and taken with outmost care. [1] It is commonly used on patients experiencing tremendous amount of pain and discomfort. Some examples of depressants are: Alcohol, Heroin and Barbiturates. The manufacture of this drug soon appeared in the black market, as the effects of it kept users coming back for more.

2. Depressants, now an addiction, enter the underground market as a big seller.

In the late 1960’s it became clear that the social cost of depressants was beginning to outweigh the medical benefits. [2] Drug problem was almost inevitable at this point. Products of pharmaceutical companies are often diverted to the illegal market, at it brought big paydays for the pushers. Not only is this happening in America, but also in our own country. [3] 2 milligram capsules of Valium costs $900 in these markets. [4] Depressant users ranged from the poorest to the richest, with the biggest names in Music, Arts, Media and Film almost seemed to promote its use.

B. The “promotion” of depressants in Mass Media sparked interest and curiosity which led to even deeper addictions.

1. The Psychedelic Era Icons’ admission of their use implied that the use of the substance was acceptable and safe.

The Woodstock Festival, The Beatles, Jimi Hendrix, Led Zeppelin and the like, this was the 1970 Psychedelic Era. They promoted peace, love, freedom for social restrictions, anti-organized religion, and anti-conformist culture. They openly used depressants, LSDs, Cannabis as part of their movement. Popular and influential icons like The Beatles, Eric Clapton, Ray Charles[5] admitted of using
prohibited drugs while in recording sessions, claiming to be more “productive” and it gave them a “distinct, new sound” (this would later on be called Psychedelic Rock or simply Psychedelia). This would be imitated by their fans, thinking it would be okay to take such, which they would later feel the real effects of the prohibited drugs. [6]

C. The real deal on depressants: Its side effects to humans and the World.

1. The addiction to the substance and its long term effects caused brain burn out.

Drug dependence is a battle within one self. Its constant intake will destroy the nervous system of the body. One of the best examples is Heroin. National Geographic Channel once aired an episode featuring Heroin (a depressant) addiction in various countries around the world. [7] It revealed the lives of Heroin addicts living in their own world. Dependence on the substance has been their central concern since taking the prohibited drug. Even though Hunger has eaten away their stomachs, they can go on days without any food just to take their daily hit on Heroin. They sell all their belongings and spend all their
money on the drug. Heroin can either be taken by injecting, smoking or inhaling the substance. AIDS is common among Heroin users; they usually share needles when injecting the drug, thus the blood of two or more individuals mix, possibly sharing blood diseases. Other effects of Heroin are withdrawal, drowsiness, hallucinations, constricted pupils, nausea, burn out, coma and brain
damage. [8]

2. Hallucinations, Blurred Vision, Irrational: The Psychological Effects of Depressants.

This is the focus of this paper, the Psychological effects of depressants. Since depressants mainly affect the nervous system, the brain is a victim. Users tend to be irrational, using all the wrong reasons just to defend their beliefs and habits. Their vision is somewhat distorted, often hallucinating or staring into nothingness. They get restless, irrational and irritable, and may go into extreme measures just to feed their habit. Committing crime isn’t far ahead. Numerous reports have been filed about murders, thefts and rapes by drug-induced criminals to innocent civilians.[9] They are unconsciously committing criminal acts because of the drug. And the larger the intake, the closer death draws near.

3. The Ultimate price of Depressant overdose: Death draws nearer, almost inevitable.

Extreme depressant users have a certain blank stare that shows their emotions: blank. By this time, the drug has greatly damaged the host’s brain, killing emotions and reactions. Slurred speech, altered perception, and slowed heart rate are other effects of depressants. The drug causes the nervous and cardio systems to works irregularly; sometimes slowing down, sometimes speeding up, also possibly to stop anytime. Deaths caused by depressants are piling up, constantly rising in number. There are users as young as 15 and as old as 35, users beyond the latter age usually die of overdose. Is there a cure of this addiction? Addicts can’t seem to withdraw from the habit. They feel the pain of the intake, but they feel greater pain without it. The only way out is rehabilitation.

D. What can the government, the church and the person itself do to prevent the use of depressants and a cure for the dependence.

1. The person’s will power; his main source of strength to fight the addiction.

I always have always believed that Change should start from within. Change can be achieved with greater ease by starting from oneself. Same is true for the drug dependents and addicts, changing one self should be a conscious and sincere effort. It should be an honest, focused, determined battle to avoid any temptation of trying it again. Drug dependence is hard to break, as all habits are. It requires discipline, patience and self-control. There really isn’t an easy way out; it’s a step by step procedure. The government and community can be a great help in solving the addiction.

2. The community and the person’s can help motivate the person to stop the habit.

A person’s friends, community and family can be his/her support system towards rehabilitation and positive change. The environment that surrounds the person greatly influences the way the person thinks, acts, feels, moves and speaks. Negative Peer pressure is one of the leading causes of drug addiction, teen pregnancy, smoking, crime, and others. If so, then Positive peer pressure can do the opposite; promote peace, clean living, a vice-free life, a positive attitude. The environment must also help the individual to change, to be a better person. The Philippines being a Christian nation, the church can also help the “lost sheep” by guiding them to the right path. The government must also play an active role in shaping the lives of its citizens.

3. The Government and The Church play an important role in shaping the values of the person.

We have seen it all over the news: anti-drug laws, drug raids, rehabilitation programs, and the like. It has been decades, but the drug problem just keeps on getting worse. Some countries, like the Netherlands and United Kingdom have taken the easy (but wrong) way out, that is by making depressant drugs legal for use. Afghanistan, for instance, is one of the leading manufacturers of opium poppy, the substance used for creating Heroin. They refuse to destroy the Poppy farms for it brings income to their country, this is done without considering the thousands of lives being affected everyday by the distribution of Heroin. Thousands of new addicts appear, thousands lay fighting for control, thousands die of overdose. The World leaders aren’t doing enough to fight the problem. If not given attention, this could get out of control. The church can also lend a hand by giving spiritual advices and other related activities to fight the drug problem. We need to do everything we can to battle this problem. What a better world this would be if the problem was addressed to. If this doesn’t stop, lives will be lost and the addiction won’t be rehabilitated.

_________________________________________

Notes and Sources
[1] http://kidshealth.org/kid/grow/drugs_alcohol/know_drugs_depressants.html
[2] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depressants
[3] The Philippine Daily Inquirer. August 12 & 16, 2008.
[4] http://philosophy.princeton.edu/.tri/?xanax-bar-street-price
[5] http://www.erowid.org/culture/characters/characters_drug_use.shtml
[6] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hippie
[7] http://channel.nationalgeographic.com/series/explorer/3099/Overview
[8] http://faculty.valpo.edu/jnelson/AbnormalWebPage/Notes/SubAbPP/sld012.htm
[9] http://www.mindfully.org/Reform/Anatomy-False-Murder-Confession.htm
[10] http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,900989,00.html?promoid=googlep

*some were taken from my own opinion, knowledge, family experiences and research on the said topic. The National Geographic Channel, Wikipedia, Daily periodicals, News and Current events also helped a lot in giving information needed. Some sources are not stated for it may appear irrelevant, repetitive or unecessary altogether.

And The Award Goes To...

Lights! Camera's rolling.
And... Action! Reel Self unfolding.
It's the same old scene, The Drama Queen.
Oh, she never gets outdated, colors never faded.

Now, Red Carpet, Runway, Ramp Model.
Perfect Smile with a glint on her eye, priceless.
Gets the attention, money and the guys,
Nothing could get any better than this.

I'm getting tired of your antics, over dramatics.
Stop whining at me, stop flirting with me.
It's just too much, too much.
Your charm has ended, the scenario's changed,
Better luck next time, try again.

Drum roll please. The Envelope? Thank you.
And now, the Award Goes To...
Guess What? Guess Who? It's You.
For being the best "actress" this Man has ever seen, yet.

Lights Out, It's a Wrap.
Clear the MakeUp. Clean Up.
Curtains Closed. Good-bye.

Next.

*Tanan!*
I won Colegio de San Juan de Letran - Calamba's Essay Contest!

I really really didn't expect to win,
I didn't write any good stuff on that paper
(besides the fact that my hand writing is barely readable).
God is indeed Good. All the time.

It all started November 3, first day of the second semester. I was walking along the corridor of Letran when I saw this post at the Engineering Bulletin Board. It was an essay contest, open to all College students. I wanted to join, but hesitated because the last contest i participated in Letran was a poetry contest and failed miserably. I just told myself I'd give it one more try, I've got nothing to lose anyway. So i signed up and found out that the contest was on November 11, a Monday, 9 - 11 am. Oh shoot, i have classes during this period (7:30 - 10:30 am), but i decided to ditch the class (i don't like Chem 2 anyway).

November 11, I was there, waiting for the contest to start. There was quite a delay, well about an hour, so it was almost 10 am. I wished I attended class, it would've ended by now. Well, anyway, too late to attend, might as well get on with it. So here, i registered and got the Theme: "Ang Batang Palabasa Dalubhasa sa Kultura". What the F... I thought the medium was English, why is the effing theme written in Tagalog?! Dammit, I had to translate it. It took me a while to let it sink, I was thinking: "Is there even a valid connection between Reading and Culture?" This is going to be hard, i thought.

I made my move by emphasizing on Education, on it's effects on Culture, Economy, Poverty and the Lives of People. I made a statement that Reading is one of the best and effective ways to Educate or be Educated. But I wasn't really clear on my essay, i kept going round and round, just repeating some things i wrote. It sounded more of a Sermon than an Essay. I even admitted that majority of the Youth today don't even have study habits, so the future is very unclear.

So i wrote on, not checking what I'm even writing, just going with the flow, just "bahala na". I submitted it, and they asked to have my picture taken. YES, my Picture taken with my Essay. I'm thinking, Picture taking with my paper? Sounds stupid, but okay. Then I left, not even a glint of hope within me, which is fine, atleast I tried right.

But, I won. Haha. It's either I'm blessed and "Chamba lang", or the judges didn't have good literary taste. Haha. I honestly think it wasn't good, but then again, maybe it was. I dunno, maybe I'll post it next time and you be the Judge. I remember my writing stints in AAM, and won most of them. It's nice to win something in College, you get Money. Haha. Which reminds me, Free Press Literary Awards coming up next month, i have to finish my entry in that contest. A Series of Violent Verses/Poems called The Killer Instinct. (ankorni ng Title noh? hehe.)

Past: AAM
Present: Letran.
Future: The Philippines.
Next: The World!!
*villanous laugh*

*i can dream, can't I? God Speed!*

Sing!

♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪

I'm walking home,
slowly passing through the corridors,
Head bent down,
with my eyes half-closed and a silly smile on my face.
They stare, but I don't care.
I hum a tune i hear from my heart.
Yeah, this heart sings, and it sings your name.
I'm heading out, it's slowly sinking in,
It's never going to be the same again.

Things change, so they say, and I have changed. or so i think
Resistance. I won't be broken into again. i won't blink
Eyes closed, their stares don't mean a thing. just take me, take me away
Just moving on, moving on. Singing this melody. because with you is where i want to stay

My feet feels like it's floating. I'm hers until the day she gets tired of me,
I keep repeating the same things again,
I'm trying to find the right words to say,
but there aren't enough words to tell how I really feel. I'm hers 'til the day she doesn't want me no more,
Singing along, walking this road,
Someday, somehow, I'll find a way.
Find a way to you.

It's never the same. It isn't the same anymore.
I just nod my head and smile, wish that night never ended.
But we had to go, time to sleep or we'll be late.
But the touch of your hand in mine never faded.

♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪

No. There is None. No other.

Streetlights and Alleyways.

It was a cold night. I looked at my watch,
the clock was ticking nonstop, but i didn't care.
I only want to stay here with you.
The skies were half filled with stars and the buildings were covering the moon.
I'm trying to hide this happiness, but i can't help but smile.
The streets were empty, it was peaceful.
No noise, just the sound of the wind passing by.
I don't want to hear another sound but your voice, your laughter.

I looked at her. She were staring up the sky, smiling.
I began to smile too, as i can't help but be glad that she's beside me.
She noticed, smiled back and asked why, i just nodded my head in reply.
The streetlights were on to us, it felt like a spotlight chasing us.
I held her hand and we walked towards something,
but i can't remember what it was,
more like a telephone post, we entered an alleyway.
Her green jacket makes her prettier, her eyes shining like the moonlight.

I stroked her face, she sweetly closed her eyes and hugged me.
i dont want this to ever end.
I just held her head, kissed her and froze in time.
i want you to know i love you with all my heart and soul.
i'm not lying nor pretending.

Then i woke up.
9:00 AM on my clock, time to get up and go.

Chasing the Sunset.

Here I am,
pouring my heart out on the streets, happiness i cannot explain.
It feels so different, feels so overrated, feels so unreal.

Pinch me, i must be dreaming, now the sun bids me goodbye.
No. please don't let time fly by.
Just hold me. Hold me now.

I don't want this day to end, i don't want this to be just another memory,
I don't want to go home. I just want to stay here for eternity with you.

The sun sets, chase it, so the day wouldn't end.
The stars blocked my way, Night is here again.
No, please. No.
Running as fast as I can, chase the morning. Chase my heart.
But to no avail, the darkness has spread his wings and blocked out the light.

I forgot to bid her goodbye, i forgot to hold her hand,
i forgot to kiss her, i forgot to hug her so tight,
i forgot to touch her face, i forgot to stroke her hair,
i forgot to tell her that she's the only thing i wanted,
i forgot to tell the sun that she makes me crazy with her smile.
I forgot to tell her that she's the most beautiful girl to me.
I forgot to tell her i Love her.
I forgot.

I'm afraid of darkness, i may get lost.
I'm afraid of what will happen.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Somehow, I'll survive.
I hope the sun will rise up again, give me its warmth.
I hope our someday will come, soon.
No use of counting if Forever is what you're waiting for,
No use of Chasing the sunset, It'll be back.
And sweeter the morning will come,
for is sweeter the warmth that I've found.
I don't want to be in another's arms,
I just need her charms, that single look,
the sound of her laugh.
I don't need another woman, no other.

I stopped running, let time give its healing.
One last look at the sunset, one last sigh,
Hoping the years will go by quickly.
Wishing to be with you, for all eternity.
I'll wait for that Someday,
Because if that someday comes,
I won't let you go again and together, we'll forever be.

Always and Forever.

Circa 1979

Standing outside my door, looking out the streets.
I'm looking for something, but i don't know what it is I'm looking for.
Something's missing, something ain't right. It isn't the same, no.
The skies roll by and my dog's barking relentlessly at nothingness, it's the same old scene again.
I just want to lie face down on my bed, just let another day pass.

Threads of pillows cover my face, i don't want to wake.
I'll pretend to be asleep, pretend that i can't hear them calling out to me.
The eerie noise of this empty space fill my ears,
Thrown down, Get up, i won't win anyhow.
Sudden feeling of sorrow and depression, a sudden doubt on myself,
How will i wish for something easier, when you got what you deserve.

The steam of milk awakens my senses, I realize that it's over.
I may live today, tomorrow I may Die.
There's no use of counting, when forever is what you'll be waiting for,
There's no use of saying things, when the ears are all closed.
I sit down, stare at a seat in front of me, it's empty.
I look down, begin to pray, It'll be all fine, be okay.

Thousands and thousands of unsaid, dying words, none of them mean anything,
If I myself can't even express it, It won't mean anything.
My dog stopped barking, maybe he's got the attention he wanted,
My Senses started working, maybe I got back my head.
There's no battle afoot, no things to be done today,
I just want to lie face down on my bed, just let another day pass.

I'm standing outside my door, looking out the streets,
My lips gave out a smile.
It Isn't the same, maybe better or worse, nobody really knows,
I may be alive today, dead tomorrow,
I did what I had to do, this heart holds no sorrow.

Make My Mark.

It's been a semester. Things happened, things started and ended altogether. It's been some months, it was hard, tiring and downright disappointing. I know it isn't easy, but I also know i could've done better. Things aren't entering my head lately, and the work has doubled. I can feel the pressure and the heaviness of the load. I can feel my disappointment. To see my grades barely passing is not a pretty sight. I can't even say that I'm satisfied. But i've got to admit, I really did "okay" compared to some people I know, but i guess that i just have this expectation of myself that i didn't acheieve.

I want to make my mark, i want to make a change, i want to prove something. I want to make a difference, i want to be the one who'll dictate my future. Rizal said that the Youth is the Hope of the Country, i want to prove that, one way or the other. I've been pretty optimistic about things, i hope i can do better the upcoming semester. I have to prove that I can be the Best, Make No excuses. Prove doubts wrong. Migs Out. [sorry for such a short post.]

Based On A True Story.

It's 4 in the morning, he's up earlier than usual. It's Saturday, a day he'd dread and hate, but that Saturday was different, totally different. He had been waiting for this day the whole year. He's got this Grand plan, this mindset of what to do. Now that the day finally came, his "Grand plan" was cut into a rather small speck of dust due to situations and circumstances; but nonetheless, he was going for it.

He had a class at 8:00 to 11:00 am, Community Service. It seemed to take forever as he waited for the class to end. He still had big arrangements: Flowers, Cakes, Cards, whatevers. He calls up the arrangements for the flowers. The phone kept ringing, but he got no answer. "Oh crap, have to find a flower shop, fast" he said. He finds one, but the flowers aren't as pretty, "well, what'd you expect from a cheap store, this will have to do," he thought.

The clouds were dark and gloomy. Boom! Thunder and Lightning illuminate the sky, "Damn it, looks like it's going to rain." he said. Things just couldn't possibly be worse. He arrives at the terminal at 12 pm, looking for a Jeepney en route to Paseo, but It's not in it's usual place. "Oh no..." He starts to worry. He asks the person-in-charge, she said: "you just missed the last Jeepney, the next one's going to be 5 pm." Oh shit. C'mon, it really has to be 5 pm? He has to take a different route, Balibago, longer and more tumultous, but he didn't care, he just wanted to see her.

He rides, but the skies aren't a pretty sight. He's sweaty, tired and disoriented. His blood pressure's shooting up and he's nervous. "Oh, what will she say, what do i do, do i even look okay?" Now, capital RAIN came pouring down, all round and about. Crap, he's wet and his white long-sleeved polo looked like it came from a surplus shop. He arrives at Balibago, takes a tricycle to the Paseo, but lo and behold, the streets are flooded, and his white Chuck Taylors are now wet and unpleasantly brown. Yes, Mud. He embraces the flowers, protecting it from getting wet. It's the only thing that can keep it from getting destroyed by the Wind and Rain. He arrives at Paseo, he tries to freshen up, but he was too impatient to. He just wanted to see her.

He texts her, asking where she is. She replies, and he runs to find her. There she is, and everything written above this sentence means nothing at all. It feels like heaven, honestly. She looked wonderful as always; Beautiful, Graceful, Stunning, Lovely, Cute and Angelic as ever. Again, she won. She won him over. All the rehearsals in front of the mirror were gone. Tongue-tied for the nth time, unexplainable. The cheap, wet roses were unworthy, he was unworthy. He didn't want to look into her eyes, because every time he did he felt he was going to cry. He slowly handed her flowers to her, embarrassing as it may seem. She smiled and seemed happy to see him and she liked the flowers. A few exchange of words, a few laughs, his shaking hands and his beating heart was unnoticeable.

Everything looked like it was something taken from a story book, It was almost perfect.

But a few words can change it all. From his lips, he uttered.

"I Love You. And This might be the last time i'll see you."

***

For you see, He has loved Her for so long now. Since they met, She didn't leave his mind. But now, it's time for him to let go of something he doesn't really have. He's not giving up, he's just really accepting that he hasn't got a chance at her heart, he is truly unworthy. If they're really meant to be together, fate will bring them back. No matter what. He never really knew if the girl of his dreams loved him back, he never knew what she really felt about him. He just wants her to know that she's the greatest girl he has ever met. See you soon? he hopes, maybe. If she wants him to. If she wants him back.

He's just a guy from the the poor town of Biñan, She's a True Blue Atenean Atenean.

Based On A True Story.
Good Night.

The Half -Time Break Up

From first-round draft picks,
to second chance romantics,
sweet sound of this beating heart.
From storied rivalries to triumphant victories,
everyone gets a chance to win, somehow.

Self-proclaimed superstars and their self-proclaimed heroics,
not a chance they'll leave it all to pass.
No flash photography and no dramatic metonymy,
Make way for the greatest "artists" of our time.

This is a Half-Time Break Up, I'm calling the game off.
I ain't giving up, it's just you're not playing fair anymore.
I'm sick and tired of your "self-praises",
It's too much that my ears are bleeding and getting sore.

The buzzer went off and we're about to lose,
with these people, it feels like i didn't leave High School.
Everyone's a Celebrity and everyone has a Story,
It's one big disaster, happily- never after.

I'm breaking it off, count on a foul play,
You never quit. Oh, you never do.
That buzzer signals the End Game,
I hope you realize you're in Real Life, too.

Sand and Stone.

The East Wind blows on my face as I'm walking by,
Drops of rain fall from the sky, reminiscent of the pale moonlight.
Clouds of storm clash together,
thunder and lightning fill the empty sound of space,
The weather gives me such peace,
nothing could be nicer than this.

Walking along the path we've walked before,
it makes me smile, makes me imagine you here holding my hand,
never counting the hours passing by,
we didn't give a damn about the world,
we were the happiest people on earth,
we understood each other without saying a single word.

Through the Sand and Stone, we were together.
Nothing could separate us,
Nothing can make us feel any different about each other.
Even if the world doesn't believe, i don't care.
I walk along this path, smiling as i go by,
singing a song in my heart, looking through the clouds.
Yes, It might be raining, but it feels so right,
this bittersweet memory of us, can't believe it's gone.

I live with no regrets, and we've both parted paths,
I took mine, you took yours.
I know when we look back at this, we'll both laugh,
but deep in our hearts, nothing could've been better than that.

*Project_Art!

A Self - Portrait of A Narcissistic Man

He has a way with words,
Poetry in one hand, Wisdom in the other.
It is his way of thinking, his way of speaking,

His Loyalty is beyond compare.
It Cannot be measured, no one might even dare.

His smiles may show his cheerful and carefree character,
but like a double-edged sword, he has a serious side.

Moves without warning, ready to strike.
Determined to succeed, his Morals and Values deep within him,
rooted to his very soul.

Music is his language, and Life is his battlefield.
He’ll do what he can to succeed and
bring Glory to God through his achievements.

With God, family, and friends as his guide,
there is nothing he can’t do.
Give him all the negative doubts and
he’ll prove them all wrong.

He can be the Best, make No Excuses.

*Project_Art!

The Dean's Leaster

The model student of the year,

good grades, GREAT social life,

no vices, keeping it clean without being a wimp.

seems like everything was balanced...

then High School ended.

New words, new world

New People, some absurd.

New Environment, a better place as he might say,

but nonetheless new, he'll get used to it anyway.

He kept the charm, kept the cool,
the poise he's known for in High School.
but he left his brain there.
Popularity's a non-issue but it's useless anyway.
All that matters is making the mark, making the grade.
Better hurry up, or you'll be late.

from the High School Hero to the College Freshman Zero.

Stay Tuned.

- Late Post.

A Chain of Thorns Wrapped Around My Neck.

It happened many months ago but It's all coming back.
You're voice feels so distant yet so familiar.
It's all in the past, but i can't seem to throw it away.
It keeps coming back, i can't forget your face.
I've tried to hate you so many times,
but every step i take, my heart tells me to stop.

I can't forget the times we were together.
You're like an open scar, the pain keeps on coming back.
You're like a chain of thorns wrapped around my neck,
the closer i get to you, the greater the pain i feel.
But i can't stop. I just can't stop.

It's Empty, Numb and Blank.
After so long, it still bleeds.
It might never heal, it's like a disease.
It might be with me for the rest of my life.
Hoping to free myself from your curse, but you're the only cure.

Just Kill Me. Now.

10:28

Goodbye.

Those were the last words i said to you.
It was so hard to say but i said it anyway. I had to, i just had to.
That night, i couldn't sleep. The time on my clock stopped.
It read 10:28 pm, it never ticked another second more.
Pictures of you and I flood my mind, from the start to the early end,
smiles and tears flow through my head.
The times we were together, the times we fought,
the times we had so much fun,
the times we never wished to say goodbye.

That was then, but It happened again.
After so many months, the clock stroke the same time and froze,
Memories of yesterday that never ended surfaced again.

Now I'm looking, searching for your face, wondering where i went wrong.
It's been so long since i heard your voice, i remember you in every song.
If i could just take it back, take it back again, i know it could've never ended.
The clocked continued, and sleep came,
i wonder when will i wake up and find you beside me once again.

*regrets start to pour in.*

Our So-Called Story.

I hold your hand as we walk this street,
every step and every heartbeat.
Just can't believe this happened,
i can't believe i fell for it.
I take your heart and call it mine,
but i'm afraid i really don't have the time.
take this promise that i'll love,
but i can't really say i'll stay.
I'm afraid. So afraid that i might hurt you,
your tender heart can't take me.

Here I go again, call this thing ours but i'll let go again.
there's just too much too see
on the other side that i may not take you there.
if there was just a way, somehow,
to pull you out, i would've done it.
but here i am, again, making things worse for us.

This is Our So-Called Story.
I'm Here, You're There. We'll never get anywhere from here.
Odds are Againts us and the world won't get any kinder.
I maybe losing hope, please give me strength.
Just stand by my side and hold my hand tighter.

Don't let Go.

Don't Let Me Let Go.

The Stunner.

He takes a deep breath. Here goes, he says, clutching the door knob. He's going for it, a new chapter will unfold behind this door: College. The door swings open and he walks in, a crowd of unfamiliar faces look at him. He looks back at them, backpedals but proceeds anyway. He's a bit nervous, his breathing's uneasy and hands are shaking. Looking around for a chair to sit in, he's trying not to look weird, awkward or to catch any negative attention. He slowly sits down, and texts his high school friends to break the awkwardness of the situation. Heart pounding and the tension getting higher as 20 or more kids feel exactly the same way. The silence was deafening, the sound of the air conditioning is all that filled his ears.

Where to start? What to do? How can i reach out? Talk to somebody, he thought to himself. Looking around for (hopefully) a familiar face or someone to talk to. At his left was a boy who had droopy eyes and thin frame, clothed in red and was very silent. He must be gay, he thought, suddenly feeling threatened, and looked away. At his right was a girl two times larger than him. She was very intimidating, and he felt ashamed of himself. Her size and apparent strength made him insecure. No, definitely not.

Then he turns his head and sees a beautiful lady sitting quietly in a corner. She was obviously shy, and of course, cautious for she knows she's the belle of the ball, the diamond on the ring, the prettiest thing we might have ever seen. Then she senses an eye looking at her, it was his. She looks up and breaks into a smile, a smile so sweet he can't explain. She stunned him in an instant, and she took his heart right there and then.

College Just started, and he's already fired up for the Finals.

Stay tuned.

*edited 04/30/10*

Silence.

*Keyboard: Freestyle...

No words spoken, the air hums silently in the background. Hatred, Anxiety, Love, Sorrow, Happiness and deep Silence fills this heart. Some things are better left unsaid, some things are better left untouched. No words spoken, No second thoughts.

The Sound of Silence is deafening. I can't hear my own heartbeat, i can't hear the noise around me. The darkness has fallen, the only thing i see is you. I ask you those questions, but you never spoke a word. You just stare there, looking at my eyes. I try to scream but no words come out.
I gasp for breath. Suddenly...

Your eyes bleed, as if it was a river of blood flowing from your eyes.
You smile at me so sweetly as you raise your hands to my face.
Your smile slowly turns to laughter, your hollow hands touching my face with deep affection.
The blood from your eyes flow continuously, it stains your clothes as you draw nearer.
Your skin as white as snow touch mine, it feels so cold, so cold.
Her beautiful face draws near to mine, her lips so cold. Sweet, but cold. Too cold.

That moment in time froze. Then I realize..

I try to move but i can't. my muscles feel so numb, so painful. This can't be happening, this is impossible. The girl right in front of me can't be here right now.

She's already dead.

I scream silently. I opened my mouth as wide as i can but no sound came out. I try to run, but i can't. Her hands slowly crushing my face, slowly tearing me apart. Her sweet smile became hatred. Her skin became black as darkness. She seems to take pleasure as her laughter became louder and louder. She's killing me. My sight grew dim, I'm losing consciousness.

Then I wake up screaming.

I look around, 3 am. Not a person in sight. It was quiet and cold around me. I feel relieved, i heaved a sigh. A hand covered in blood touched my face from behind me. It was not my hand. Then i realize, IT WAS QUIET, TOO SILENT.

Soap Opera.

Plates, spoons and forks. It's that time of the day when i wash the dishes. It's when i think, deeper than usual. I don't speak much when i wash, it's when my brain does it's job. Get Inspired. This is what my brain said to me last night:

"Take risks, you'll never know when it'll be the last. We can never say what will happen, but atleast we tried. You know you want to, but you're scared. This isn't the Migs i know, not at all. Why are you scared to jump? You'll fall? everyone does, it's just a matter of How [Migs picks up a plate]. You say you'll just sit there, do nothing and just let it go, that's the worst thing you've thought of doing since [censored]. Okay, so maybe not now, maybe not in the next few months, but when? I hope you do something, 'coz your Heart over there is agreeing with me, for the first time in years."

*okay, so a talking brain is weird. i get it.
a lot more was thought of that night, but it was just going 'round and 'round. The plates were spotless, the utensils clean, the kitchen was done. Satisfied? Maybe, but not quite there yet. If there's one more thing i'd like to clean up, it's this mess i made. I need a lot of detergent to get it right, a lot of words, but more actions to go with it. A LOT of people won't understand what i wrote here, but i only need one to understand this.

Good Night.

Analyze This.

*this is a peek into the mind of the author, bear with him.

it's 2 in the morning and I'm still not in the mood to sleep. A lot of things in my mind, a lot of things i want answered, but i guess its better not to ask. I'm trippin', so as Gino says. Yes, I am. Dammit. And i don't know what for. I tell myself: "just stop, stop this, you're running into a brick wall", but stopping it is like not breathing or not eating. Even though it's against the odds, maybe 1 in a million, maybe that 1 would be it. maybe not.

big brown eyes, unruly hair, the duck walk, the unexplainable charm. Oh, i miss it all. But don't get me wrong, i just miss it, nothing more, nothing less. It's just that nothing will ever be that "unexplainable" thing in my life. There will only be one, but I'm not saying there won't be someone to surpass all those, you get the point.

I stop. for a while, let me be romantic. dream. it's nine pm and no one would expect a visitor that late, the day's practically ending and the night's culling you to bed. Hear your phone and your doorbell ringing at the same time, you pick up your phone and head for the door. It's me, saying I'm here outside, come out. You come and see me there, two dozen roses in hand and at my best.

back to reality. that won't be possible in a while. I'm too Idealistic, but i guess it's better that seeing all the negative side of things. I wonder why i stare out the window of a moving car so much, maybe because it's when i start to think, start to make sense of things happening around me. Philosophies, Rules and Regulations, these are just guidelines, it's up to me to break them for the better. read this: i have no tricks up my sleeve, I'm not a magician or an illusionist. Never been.

college coming up, maybe we'd forget all these. maybe I'd look back and say: "oh yes, i knew that person". I don't want that. but if it's whats bound to happen, than let it be.

still have to get that "thing" for that. haha. analyze this!

JudgeMental

Keyboard on Freestyle Mode.

Rain pouring outside, the eerie sound of the fan and my heart beating so fast. Loss for words and sense, but full of pride to go with it. My throat feels like screaming again, itching to say what i want to say. Maybe. Maybe not. Pick it up, start again. Give it all then just sit there see it fall. Like a plane crashing, like glass breaking. I don't know. I don't know where this is coming from. Tell me where.

I feel like fighting, feel like killing something or someone. I hope not, I'm not known for that, or am i? honestly, i don't know what I'm known for right now. As far as i heard, I'm a lying, cheating, dirty guy. I'll take that. I'll take it. Just keep silent, i won't speak in my defense. It's their opinion, no offense taken..
Just really really hurt. But i can't let that stop me, got to live my life.

What i really can't stand is someone very special to me gets affected. I may not be special to that person but i don't want that person to slip away. I'm just hoping that everything would turn out alright. I have never pretended and i have never been anyone else. I am me. What you see is what you get, because i never pretend to be someone I'm not.

"you know me better than they do. I don't care about what they think or say about me, i only care about what YOU think. that's all that matters to me."

i want to tell her that.

Rain stopped. Only tears remain.

Shoot to Kill

This is Sad, real Sad. Reality Bites. Big time. 10 people were killed in Rizal Commercial Banking Corporation (RCBC) branch in Laguna, Philippines. May 16, 2008. During a bank robbery. All of the victims were shot to the head by a single, point-blank bullet. Yes, point-blank. As i can picture the scene from reports, some of them were lined up and one by one shot in the head. Sounds familliar? Same scene from the Columbine High School Massacre where the victims were allegedly lined up and killed. The twist in the Massacre was they had a question to answer, "Do you Believe in God?", the "no" answer might save your life, if you give the "yes" answer, then you'll get shot in the head. Cassie Bernall was one of the ones who said yes. This was the inspiration behind the song Cassie by Flyleaf. It's sad to know what the world has come to, this is a sign of the times, a sign that we're doing something wrong. As if Robbery wasn't enough, they still had to kill the defenseless people inside the bank.

One more incident that happened here in Laguna was a massacre that occured in Calamba City on May 19, 2008. 8 people were killed, including children, shot by a lone gunman. The said motive behind the killing was it was just mere rage that drove him to kill the family. It was said that 2 children of the 8 people that were killed was locked in an embrace as they were repeatedly shot. This is just inhuman. Just terrible. The gunman was killed 2 days after, he was still carrying the M-16 rifle that he used to kill the family.

Justice will be served. Uhm, eventually. I hope so.
Please pray for them.
Condolences to the family of the victims.
My heart mourns your loss.
God Bless. Keep Safe.

Above The Influence.

Stagnant, scared and excited. This is how i feel. college coming up, and real life is on the edge. No more second chances, no more second thoughts. I'll do my best, no excuses, none at all. This will define my future, my dreams, i must not make a mistake. I'll be studying in Colegio De San Juan De Letran - Calamba, taking up Computer Engineering. I have so many goals to set for myself, challenge myself to do better everytime. Give me your doubts and I'll prove them wrong. I want to be the best that i can be, set myself apart from all of them. I won't blend in, I'll stand out. Impossible as it may seem, i'll do my best.

But then again, i won't be the nerdy, bookworm type. I'll still keep my social life in check. "it's all about balance", some college people gave me this advice. I want to meet new people, new friends and experience new things. Well, new GOOD things, not vices and bad influences. No amount of peer pressure will break me down. i remember a verse in the bible that states: "do not conform to the pattern of this world" in Romans 12:2. If this world's standards are drugs, sex and alcohol, then don't follow it. It'll only ruin my life, my chance to be successful in College.

Be above the influence of Drugs, Sex and Alcohol. Fight the wrong system. Never give in and never give up. You'll get nothing out of it. No one will ever win in the end. It maybe fun and cool to look at, but after all these, what is the real essence of it? None. My High School friends have dubbed me as a "goody too shoes" or a "kill-joy" because i refuse to join their vices when they invite me to try smoking or taking "weed". I have tried encouraging them to stop but my efforts are futile. I have lost an uncle (two uncles, actually) due to drugs. No one will benefit from all of these. It will just destroy lives and the minds of the Young. Please help by supporting anti-drug groups like Above the Influence and other anti-vices groups. As a mere freshman, i want to make a change, make a stand. I don't want to be underestimated. I want to save people from these influences in my own little way. I suggest you do the same.

Seniors Batch 2007-2008, let's show them what we've got, shall we? =]
Be Above The Influence and Make a Stand.
Good Luck! and God Bless! =]

*Special thanks to Melissa Vega. =P

Condolences.

Beloved,
you have left this world.
You spoke your last breath
and said your last word.
Prayers for the faithful departed,
thank you, from you i have learned.
From life's path you've parted,
I'll patiently wait for your return.

Ever Dearest,
no one can replace you, you remain here in my heart.
You may not be here right now,
but you were there from the start.
I miss your presence, hoping we'd be together again.
All the stories, the lessons and the laughter,
how i wish it never came to an end.

* In loving memory of Jose Elpidio O. Isip 1922 - 2002. Rest In Peace.

* Dedicated to all those who've lost their loved ones.